The Journey

Yes I know. I am perhaps the world's worst blogger. It's been almost 3 months since my last blog! But today was one of those days where I thought it might be a bit theraputic to blog.

You never imagine what life is going to throw at you. I have come to the decision that it is best not to be able to see into the future and that its better off to live in ignorant bliss. You get married and spend the first years of your married life avoiding pregnancy. Then one day you decide "Hey! Lets have kids!". To be perfectly honest, I thought I was pretty darn fertile. I thought it would happen right away. But no one ever knows if they are affected by infertility until they start the journey. That's where that ignorant bliss comes in - otherwise you would be a total mess right off the bat!

It's 13 months later. 13 long grueling months. Words cannot describe what this journey can do to you. It becomes an obsession. It becomes what you only saw from the outside, but now it's you walking that same path. I have a very close friend who was trying for years. I felt for her but never could really grasp the pain she went through. Now she is pregnant with twins through in-vitro (Praise God!). I started the journey right behind her and learned a hard lesson from it (listen up!!): Never give advice to someone unless you've been in that exact situation before. Never. Don't tell me that I should look into adopting or that God has it all under control (which we all know He does). Have you ever woke up at the same time (5am) every single day (including weekends) to take your temperature to track your cycle? Or laid in bed in pain because you had to use the bathroom so bad but couldn't becuase if you move, it will throw off your temperature that you need to take when your alarm goes off? Or not drinking anything past 7pm to avoid having to use the restroom and lay in bed in pain at night. Have you ever bought so many stinking ovulation predictor strips and plastic cups that you might want to consider owning stock in it? How about taking multiple rounds of Clomid which gives you hotflashes throughout the night making you not really ever get a sound night of sleep because you are always woken up in a fit of sweat? There is so much emotional pain that goes with it that it's more helpful to walk right along side that person. One scripture verse isn't going to make it all better.

I'm glad we started seeing Dr. Hill at Nashville Fertility Center. So many questions have been answered that I have been trying to hard to find out. Going back, I wish I would have lied about how long we had been trying so we could start this journey sooner. But there is no wishing backwards - only going forwards. I am bracing myself for the next 3-4 weeks. It's going to be an intensive journey as I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I will be on 2 hormone altering drugs at the same time as well as some more ultrasounds, an x-ray with injectable dye, a hormone shot and an IUI. And let's hope my cycle times up so this all gets done before Thanksgiving. Watch out world - you may want to avoid me for the next 3 weeks as I am not even sure what will happen.

God is our God; He will be our guide til the very end (Psalm 48:14). This was the verse Nick and I chose to have engraved on our wedding rings. I have faith in my God. It's not always easy and there have been times where I do ask questions but deep down I know that God is walking right beside me.